The Gryphon Gazette

By: Will K. ’28

Every time I’m in downtown San Mateo, I always get to the unavoidable topic of where to get food. Almost every time, we end up at the same spot: Jeffrey’s Hamburgers. And so, after countless outings at Jeffrey’s, I had to ask myself: What place in the Bay Area, if any, had perfected the beautiful simplicity of the hamburger? That question sparked my mission to find the Bay Area’s perfect burger.

The first on my hit list, of course, was Jeffery’s. Even though one could call me a regular at Jeffrey’s, I returned once again with a true critic’s mindset to figure out what made this burger so appealing to Crystal students. Next, I would review one of the most popular burger chains in Northern California, Gotts. Then, I went to the most popular sports bar in Menlo Park, The Dutch Goose, where I knew I could count on finding a buzzing atmosphere. For the final two destinations, I needed to find less popular places to uncover the secret treasures the bay has to offer. I made my way to Big Brother’s Burgers, a restaurant my dad had heard about at work. The last one I was eagerly looking forward to: The Godfather’s Burger Lounge. Known for its iconic setting, inspired by the Godfather films and other Hollywood classics, I knew something special would be revealed. I decided I would order each restaurant’s bacon burger to get an assessment of the ingredients they have to offer, while still giving room for their imagination and creativity by not specifying further. And so, with my list in hand, I set off on my journey to find out who grills this American staple the best.

5. The Dutch Goose, Menlo Park

I have been going to the Dutch Goose since before I could recite the alphabet, but this was my first time trying their highly praised burger. It saddens me to admit that it was by far the worst burger on the list, despite having waited 30 minutes for it. Despite having bacon, a secret sauce, onions, lettuce, and tomatoes, the burger’s flavor could only be described as an overwhelming amount of mustard. This was most likely due to the severity in the strength of the secret sauce, which also had a strong mayo and relish flavor on top of the mustard. It was no wonder that the sauce overtook the burger once I realized how thin the patty was as well as how well done it was. As for the rest of the toppings, the lettuce lacked crunch, and the tomatoes tasted watery. The only thing saving the burger was the bacon, which I must admit, had an excellent crunch. However, it was far from enough to make up for the rest of the meal. In contrast to the soulless burger, the bar was buzzing along with the rest of the atmosphere. The restaurant features a classic arcade section, numerous images on the wall, and a wide range of sports. While it may not serve the best hamburger, it offers other good options and is a great place to visit with friends, especially for a big sports game.

4. Gott’s Roadside

Not far ahead was Gott’s Roadside. The burger took about 10 minutes to come out, which was a nice start. However, just like the Dutch Goose, the flavor of the patty was lost to the sauce. It was impossible to figure out what else was in the secret sauce other than pickles, and quite frankly, it was hard to tell if there was anything else between the buns other than pickles. At times, things would slip out of the burger due the enormous amount of sauce. Thankfully, after removing the sauce, I was able to assess the rest of the burger. It consisted of juicy red tomatoes, crunchy lettuce, and crisp bacon, so it was easy to say the toppings didn’t disappoint. Despite this, the toppings were atop a very thin patty, which seemingly has become the standard for chains. On the contrary, my acquaintances helped me make note of the impressively large number of options that didn’t include beef for a hamburger chain. Apart from the burger, there was more to like about the restaurant. The workers were very kind, and I could tell they were working hard to keep the restaurant looking as clean as it did. On top of this, I must admit that they made some extremely delectable onion rings. But when it came to the burger, I must say I was disappointed.

3. Big Brother’s Burgers, Redwood City

The next location, Big Brother’s Burgers, was completely new to me, so I was looking forward to some fresh scenery. Unfortunately, we were forced out of the restaurant at 7:30 for closing, a whopping 30 minutes earlier than what is posted on their website. Thankfully, we were able to get our burgers within five minutes, before being forced into the cold night. At first glance, the burger looked great; it had at least half a pound of beef sandwiched between two toasted buns, and topped with vibrant tomatoes, crisp bacon, crunchy lettuce, as well as sliced onion. As for the flavor, I must say I was divided. While the toppings offered a pleasantly strong punch, the half-pound patty was cooked well done, despite having asked for it to be medium well, so it lacked that solid foundation needed in a burger. Surprisingly, the restaurant had an extremely wide variety of options, such as sandwiches, wings, and more. Being the wing aficionado that I am, I had to get the Buffalo wings. When I opened the box, I was shocked to see that the sauce was on the side of completely naked wings. This pretty much summed up the customer service; it seemed like they were more focused on going home early than creating a good meal. It also didn’t help that when we went in to order, a drunk man was yelling at my mom, whom the worker was in no rush to kick out. Furthermore, when we finished our meal from our takeout boxes, there wasn’t a trash can in sight, not even inside, so we had to take our trash home to throw out. Big Brother’s Burgers was the complete opposite of the Dutch Goose; despite a relatively good burger, it was difficult to enjoy because of all the issues with the restaurant itself.

2. Jeffery’s Hamburgers, San Mateo

Now for the renowned Jeffrey’s Hamburgers. Everybody at Crystal knows this place for its traditions, from sports teams to the musical. But despite being here for a team dinner, I had to try to set tradition aside and focus on the burger. After paying more than anyone would want for just a burger and a milkshake, I waited. After only 5 minutes, the server came with our burgers, and my team and I assessed them. The size of the burger was underwhelming considering its price, but the toppings did look appetizing. The tomatoes were bright red and juicy, the bacon looked perfect, and the lettuce was crunchy. As for the flavor, the burger was well done despite being ordered medium well, and the bacon was a little chewy. However, the toppings easily made up for these flaws, and as always, the environment was perfect. So while the tradition of the iconic restaurant may have impacted my assessment of the burger, I think it is fair to say that the tradition is just as much a part of this burger as the patty and bun.

1. Godfather’s Burger Lounge, Belmont

The final restaurant, Godfather’s Burger Lounge, was a place I had never heard of before, so I was entering completely blind. The ambiance was modeled after the famous mafia film The Godfather, along with a general Hollywood theme. Dimly lit by ominous red lights, my expectations were high. After around 15 minutes, I was served what was most definitely the largest burger I had ever eaten. It had at least half a pound of beef, cooked exactly how I ordered, topped with crispy bacon, among other vibrant toppings. However, the only thing that mattered was the taste, and with that in mind, I dove into the burger. The intense flavor flooded my mouth with a perfect balance. Everything from the bun to the bacon tasted as amazing as it looked, other than the disappointingly watery tomato. Nevertheless, the lackluster tomato was easily drowned out by the rest of the burger. If you are looking for somewhere with a near-perfect burger, great customer service, and an intriguing atmosphere, there is no place I could recommend more than Godfather’s Burger Lounge.

Final Rankings:

1. Godfather’s Burger Lounge
2. Jeffrey’s Hamburgers
3. Big Brother’s Burgers 
4. Gott’s Roadside
5. The Dutch Goose